About NVC (Nonviolent Communication)

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), sometimes referred to as Compassionate Communication, was created by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg during the 1960s, as an outgrowth of his study of the work of Gandhi and Martin Luther King, as well as his own dissatisfaction with his limits of his then-profession, psychiatry.

The text below from the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) provides good basic information on NVC. (Information is also available at CNVC en Español, in Deutsch, and en Français.)

[NVC's] purpose is to:

• create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving 

• create governmental and corporate structures that support compassionate giving and receiving. 

NVC involves both communication skills that foster compassionate relating and consciousness of the interdependence of our well being and using power with others to work together to meet the needs of all concerned.

This approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving.

The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing separate from our interpretations and judgments, to connect our thoughts and feelings to underlying human needs/values (e.g. protection, support, love), and to be clear about what we would like towards meeting those needs. These skills give the ability to translate from a language of criticism, blame, and demand into a language of human needs -- a language of life that consciously connects us to the universal qualities “alive in us” that sustain and enrich our well being, and focuses our attention on what actions we could take to manifest these qualities.

Most people who practice NVC come to realize, as Marshall Rosenberg himself said, that NVC is a spiritual practice disguised as a communication technique. People who use NVC often come to a greater understanding of their own needs and feelings, and thus greater self-compassion. In so doing, and by becoming able to hear others' feelings and needs, they are also often able to listen and respond with compassion and connection to people or words they might have been reactive to before.

The reason you see images of giraffes on many NVC sites is that "listening with giraffe ears" is NVC short-hand for listening empathically to someone's feelings and needs, regardless of what they're saying or what emotions that brings up in you. One reason Marshall Rosenberg chose the giraffe as the symbol for listening with your heart is that it is the land animal with the largest heart.